READ HANANOI-KUN TO KOI NO YAMAI 59 SPOILERS HERE
If It's With Saki-kun, I Want To Try It
Hananoi has Hotaru pinned down on the bed beneath him. He gently touches her collarbone and Hotaru squirms.
Seeing how nervous Hotaru looks, Hananoi pauses and goes "Ah...um...". Hotaru nervously explains that it's perhaps because she's the only one who's undressed.
Upon hearing that, Hananoi proceeds to take off his clothes. He removes his sweater, then starts unbuttoning his shirt. Hotaru looks at him while he undresses, but then shyly looks away (she doesn't know where to look).
Hananoi is topless by the time Hotaru notices, and she frantically stops him, saying that he doesn't need to remove everything. Therefore, Hananoi puts his buttoned shirt back on, but leaves it unbuttoned. The two of them sit up on the bed and face each other again.
Hearts Pounding
Hananoi asks Hotaru if he should go first, and Hotaru answers that she would like to proceed at her pace. In response, Hananoi holds his arms slightly apart, in a gesture that he's ready for Hotaru to come closer.
Hotaru's heart is pounding as she slowly approaches Hananoi. She then hugs him tightly, and Hananoi also wraps his arms around her.
After staying in this position for a while, Hotaru giggles nervously. She says, "Ah...Ahah... I can hear both of our hearts beating. Trembling... nervously..." She adds that she felt the same when they were at the pool (Chapter 27), that it's amazing how there's really nothing separating them.
Hananoi agrees that it's amazing. Hotaru then nervously asks if it's unpleasant that she's sweaty, and Hananoi answers that it's totally fine. He says that he feels only happiness.
Hotaru: ...Happiness?
Hananoi: Yes.
Hotaru (looking relieved): You're not angry anymore...?
Stop For Now
When Hananoi hears Hotaru's question, his eyes immediately open wide, and he slowly releases his hold on Hotaru (Hotaru notices).
He then starts buttoning Hotaru's blouse for her. When Hotaru asks him what's wrong, he asks if it's okay if they stop for now. Hotaru consents, and she simply sits and watches Hananoi.
Hananoi moves away a little from Hotaru and remains silent. Hotaru is about to ask him again what's wrong, when Hananoi begins to talk.
He thanks Hotaru for caring about his feelings - for giving them more couple time, even going to the extent of rescheduling her time with Kagari, and touching him more. He asks if it's all because she was concerned about what happened recently.
Hotaru looks flustered and attempts to deny it. Hananoi continues, saying that he understands that she's doing these things to make up for what she did and he's happy about it, but he also thinks that she shouldn't offer herself up to him in order to make him feel better.
Hotaru is speechless for a moment, then she tries to counter by going, "Th-that's... I, that's not what I...!", but Hananoi asks if there's some truth in what he said. Hotaru can't deny it.
Hananoi adds, "It's my fault. I'm glad you put me before your friends and family, so I couldn't immediately say that you didn't have to do that. Right now I'm still really happy... but like this, I'm just using you to make myself alone feel good. That's why, from now on..."
He notices Hotaru's expression, which has seemed to fallen into shock and despair. Hananoi stops, apologizes and then suggests that he send her home.
Panic Mode
Hotaru and Hananoi are now walking along the street, in silence. In Hotaru's mind, she's wondering constantly, "What do I do?"
They arrive at the train station. Hananoi is about to say see you, and Hotaru, looking flustered, tries to make it clear to him that she hasn't been unwillingly forcing herself to do whatever she's been doing. Hananoi gently tells her that he understands, and it's perhaps because of various things going on right now, that he isn't in the right state of mind to accept things properly.
Back at home in her room, Hotaru stares at her phone, on the chat window with Hananoi. She struggles to think of what to say to Hananoi.
Message to Hananoi
After a while, Hotaru types a long message to Hananoi.
"I'm sorry about today. I'd be lying if I said that delighting you was the only thing I wanted to achieve. ...More than anything, I think I wanted to feel at ease from seeing that you were happy. Even so, I wanted to touch you, so I was happy. However, I'm sure you had something you wanted to say to me, not just about today. If something happened and you didn't like it, you can say you don't like it. Does it have to do with what you couldn't talk to me about last week? If it's alright with you, I'd like to hear about it from you."
Hananoi's Response
Upon reading Hotaru's message, Hananoi thinks to himself, '...Really...? That day, I wanted you to come; No matter the reason, just for that day, I wanted you to choose me... Can everything be solved if we talk about it...? ...Darn, I don't understand anything anymore.'
Nonetheless, Hananoi types his answer to Hotaru.
"When I went to your house, I saw a picture and thought that the person looked like someone I knew well. I was curious and asked your mother about it.
"If I had gone to see your grandfather that day, maybe... (the whole message is not shown)
"That person wanted to meet you too. Otherwise, I don't think he would have come to the park so many times. Even though you said that you wanted to meet him. I'm sorry."
Hotaru cries when she reads Hananoi's message. She recalls what she said to Hananoi before (Chapter 16): "I can't promise I'll be with you every waking moment, but if you're ever not feeling okay, that's when I want to be with you most. You've got to tell me when you really need me, okay? Promise."
Hotaru's Response
Hotaru's fingers are shaking as she types her reply to Hananoi: "That isn't Saki-kun's fault." (She might have typed more but it's not shown)
She slumps head down towards her bed, looking like she's writhing in pain.
Outside her bedroom (her bedroom door is closed), Kagari calls out for Hotaru. Entering the bedroom, Kagari says that she wants to talk to Hotaru about their plan for when they go out together next week (she wants to visit a furniture store). However, upon seeing Hotaru crouching on her bed, Kagari gets a shock.
Kagari asks Hotaru if she's having a stomachache. Without looking up, Hotaru mutters that she's a person who can't even keep her promises, and it's fine to leave her alone. Kagari asks if Hotaru is still feeling bad about rescheduling their outing, and tells Hotaru that it's normal for people to be unable to keep their promises.
However, a tearful Hotaru turns towards Kagari and says that she wasn't able to keep a promise that she absolutely wanted to keep. Kagari looks concerned.
Outside the bedroom, Tomo (their youngest sister) is done bathing and is about to return to her and Hotaru's shared bedroom. However, Kagari calls out to Tomo and asks Tomo if she would like to sleep in her room (Kagari's) tonight. Tomo excitedly agrees and asks why, and Kagari answers that it's because she will feel lonely next month (after she moves out). (But we know that it's because Kagari wanted to give Hotaru privacy.)
What To Do?
Hananoi looks at his phone (presumably reading Hotaru's latest messages to him), and he buries his face in his arm.
Hananoi's narration reads: What should I have done? What was the right thing to do? It's been an unforgettable first anniversary. That night, in my dream, Boss (I think he's referring to Hotaru's grandpa) appeared. I can't remember what was said, but at the end, after smiling sadly, I think he said to me, "Do your best".
Hotaru cries herself to sleep and wakes up the next morning with tear stains on her face.
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